Online dating sites don't work

Much of what I saw online were single men and women with a laundry list of qualifications for their ideal partner—a trap I all too easily fell in to.

online dating sites don't work-17online dating sites don't work-11

To survive this daunting, vulnerable, yet exciting process, it is vital to remove yourself from the end result.

Meaning, don’t focus solely on having the best date of your life, or getting into a long-term relationship. You are practicing putting yourself out there, what it feels like to be vulnerable, to connect with others and to find out what and who you are attracted to.

If there is even a hint of this as you are reading this, stop and return to working on numero uno—you.

It would be ideal if there were an exact formula for what makes a profile and message appealing to those you are trying to connect with, but dating is not an exact science. Use them as a resource to help you understand why you might not be receiving return messages.

Remember the old adage of, “Good things come to those who wait”?

You are excited about the profiles that seem to fit what you are looking for. There are still single people out there who seem pretty “normal,” and are interested in the same things as me! This is the part that your friends and family, who all urged you to try online dating, didn’t tell you about—what to do when no one responds to your messages.

These should be friends who know you well, have heard about your relationship successes and blunders and can point out where you can make some adjustments.

In the end, it may take some time for the process to start working, to hear back from some potential dates and to feel like this whole online dating thing works.

One gentleman that comes to mind, whose occupation ironically was listed as "troublemaker," said he appreciates a date who "says thank you to the wait staff and leaves her phone in her purse." While I appreciate the sentiment, this and other profiles I often encountered felt like people were resentful of their past experiences rather than open to exploring the future.

Tags: , ,